She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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