Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
