i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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