Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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