Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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