Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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