I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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