You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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