I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
