so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
