I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
