After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
