i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
