Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
