i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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