i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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