the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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