so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
