im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
