She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
