I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
