So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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