i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
