She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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