My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
