were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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