I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im part way to drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
