Pappa wants mamma naked
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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