you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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