dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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