Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
