I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
