My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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