I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
