she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
