I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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