I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
