I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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