I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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