At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
