He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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