The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
