I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
