He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
