He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
