my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
