even my farts smell like vagina
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
