"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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