You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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