Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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