God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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