I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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