Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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