I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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