I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
