im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
