also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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