Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My penis needs a shock collar
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
