idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
