I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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